I am with you.

As you may have noticed, I deleted my last post. I went to check my blog and I read it over and realized that I no longer feel the same way. Sure I am still afraid and I still have a long journey ahead of me, but I don't feel so lost. This sudden epiphany came late one night when I laying in my room looking up at my glow in the dark stars listening to the Casting Crowns song "Praise You In This Storm." I was thinking about my past and the troublesome and miserable week I had been having and how it was about to be a full week since I had talked to the one person I thought I couldn't make it without when it suddenly hit me like a brick wall....I did what I thought I couldn't do. I was forced to stand on my own and be alone and I did it. I survived. Sure I had been miserable but I made it through. I broke down into tears as I realized for the first time in months that I finally believed in myself. I finally believe I will eventually be okay. I know the road is long and I will probably stumble the whole way but I will make it. I refuse to go in reverse anymore. I guarantee I will probably screw up from time to time but I have finally learned to forgive myself and move on. No one is perfect and I am not an exception to the rule. I have also learned that people will always fail me. There is only one sure thing in my life and that is God. For awhile now I have questioned God and even turned my back on him but in that quiet moment of solitude I realized that God is still God no matter where I am in my life and he still loves me and will never forsake me. I may not understand why something happens but I have to trust that it is for the best. I truly believe that all I have gone through will make me a stronger and better person. Who knows? Someday I may be able to help someone else because of what I have been through. For now though I will put my trust in God. As the song I was listening to says, "I hear you whisper through the rain, I am with you." God whispered to me that night and helped me to find the inner strength I thought I had lost a long time ago.

I lift up my eyes to the hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2